


Hand to Hold

by haircutnamedarthur



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Comforting, Day 3: Hand to Hold, JeanMarco Week, JeanMarco Week 2015, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 04:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4249089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haircutnamedarthur/pseuds/haircutnamedarthur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean has a nightmare about the Titans, but Marco is by his side to reassure him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hand to Hold

**Author's Note:**

> Day three is here! Once again, we had two good prompts to pick from, but "Hand to Hold" was the one that really stuck out to me. Today is the first day that I've done something canon compliant, so it's a little different from my fics from earlier in the week.
> 
> Here's the link if you want to check out the prompts and maybe even participate in JeanMarco Week yourself! The more the merrier: http://imagine-jeanmarco.tumblr.com/post/122755019563/imagine-jeanmarco-jeanmarco-week-hey  
> Also the Teen rating is just because Jean swears.
> 
> Enjoy~

Trying my hardest to stay quiet, I crept out of the barracks, desperate not to wake anyone.  I skirted around the boards that I knew were creaky and held my breath.  I was pretty convinced that the thundering of my heart alone would be enough to rouse someone should I pass too close to their bed.  Armin was a light sleeper, so I gave his bed an especially wide berth.  Knees quivering, I managed to slip out the door and sneak around the side of the building into the shadows. 

With a shuddering sigh, I sank down against the rough wood of the exterior wall of the barracks.   Knees tucked up to my chest and arms drawn around them, I wished that my heart would stop racing and tried to get a grip.  I didn’t care how splintery the wall was, this was better than being inside.  Running a hand through my sandy hair, I glanced up at the night sky.  Cloud cover blocked out any trace of the stars, and the light from the full moon was only just getting through. 

No matter how I tried to suppress them, images from the nightmare I’d just had flashed through my mind on rapid fire.  I put my hands over my ears as if that would block out the sounds of Titans attacking my hometown.  In the dream, they had crashed through the bakery where I had bought bread every morning, and swarmed down Main Street.  I knew it had only been a dream, but seeing it had thrown me for a loop.  Even though no one could see me out here, I bit back the urge to sob.

That morning, part of training had been a lecture on Titans featuring some very realistic drawings of the beasts.  All the other trainees had been pretty disturbed, but I had just brushed it off.  They were only drawings, right?  What was the point of getting all worked up over a stupid lecture?  _Anyway, I’m joining the Military Police.  My scores have been strong enough lately that I’m pretty much a shoo-in.  I’ll never even come close to those damn things,_ I had reminded myself.  I leaned back in my chair nonchalantly while Marco bit his fingernails to the quick in the seat next to me.  I guess the lecture had gotten to me more than I thought it did though, if my dream had been any indication.  I held back a whimper and sniffled.

“Jean?”

I froze.  Shit.  No one could see me like this.  I’d become the laughing stock of the entire goddamn Trainee Corps.  God forbid _Jaeger_ found out; I’d never hear the end of it.  Frantic, I scrubbed at my eyes and attempted to compose myself enough to face whoever had come out and found me. 

“What do you want?” I hissed, glaring in the direction of the voice.

“Jean?  It’s just me.”  Marco stepped into my line of sight, looking nervous now that I’d snapped at him.  He wrung his hands.

“Shit, I’m sorry.  I didn’t know it was you.”  I pinched the bridge of my nose as he hunkered down beside me, sitting on the dusty ground. 

“That’s okay.  I shouldn’t have snuck up on you like that.  I woke up and saw you weren’t in bed.  When you didn’t come back, I got worried.”  Marco looked at me intently, brown eyes glowing in the dim light of the training camp.  “Is everything alright?”

“Everything’s fine, Freckles.  Don’t worry about it.”  I said, trying to keep my voice normal even though I refused to meet his eyes.  I toed at the sandy ground with my foot, making a pile of dirt in front of me.

“It doesn’t _look_ fine.”  Marco scooted closer to me, bumping his shoulder against mine.

“I told you it’s _fi_ -”

“Jean, you can talk to me, you know.  I’m not going to tell anyone, if that’s what you’re worried about.”  Marco interrupted me. 

“I know that.  It’s just…”  Shit.  I could feel tears burning at the backs of my eyes.  Even in front of Marco, I didn’t want to cry.  Just because he wouldn’t hold it against me or anything didn’t make it any less embarrassing.  “It’s just that I’m _scared._   Being scared fucking sucks and I’m sick of it.”

“We’re all scared, Jean.  It’s not just you.  You saw how upset people got today in the lecture.  Everyone’s in the same boat, myself included.”  Marco said, keeping his voice steady.  He looked up at the sky.  It was still blanketed by clouds, so there wasn’t much to see up there.  “I’d be more worried if you weren’t frightened, honestly.  If there’s anything in the world that people should be afraid of, it’s the Titans.”

“I just don’t understand why I’m getting all freaked out _now_.  I’m pretty much guaranteed to be going to the interior, and so are you.  We’ll never have to see a Titan in person for as long as we live.”  I grit my teeth, still trying not to cry.  My voice sounded weirdly strangled.  _Do not cry, do not cry, do not cry…_

“It’s perfectly reasonable to still be afraid.  Just because we don’t have to face them doesn’t mean they don’t exist.  Our friends will still be out there fighting against them.  We can’t take everyone behind Wall Sina with us.”  Marco paused for a moment and bit his lip, as if he was deciding whether he wanted to keep going.  “Anyway, we’ve already seen that walls can be broken.”

Marco always knew just how I was feeling.  It was like he could get into my goddamn head somehow.  I hadn’t been able to figure out what I was getting so worked up about, but he just went and articulated exactly what it was.  Even if you gave me a whole day to figure it out, I couldn’t have pulled it off that well.  No one was the goddamn perceptive, well except for Marco apparently.  He was going to be one hell of a leader.  If anyone could patch up the MPs, it would be him.  

“That’s what I’m scared of.  There’s nowhere safe, Marco.  Nowhere.”  In spite of myself, I began crying in earnest.  No matter how hard I tried to stop them, my eyes started watering.  I hid them with my forearm, sniffling into the scratchy fabric of my shirt.

Marco reached out and grabbed my other hand.  I didn’t tug it away from him.  He rubbed his thumb against my skin in soothing circles and didn’t say anything for a minute.  When he did speak, his voice was quiet.

“No, you’re right, not right now.  But someday I bet there will be.  That’s why we’re becoming soldiers.  We’re going to make things better, safer.  Someday there won’t be any more Titans or any more walls and we’ll be able to go anywhere we want.  We’ll see the most amazing things together then, Jean, and we won’t be afraid anymore.  But right now we need to fight for that chance.  That’s why we’re here.”  His thumb kept circling around and around on the back of my hand.  It felt warmer now that he’d taken it in his own, and his grip was strong and reassuring.

“You’re too optimistic, Freckles.  Has anyone ever told you that?”  I teased even though my voice was still thick with tears.

“Someone has to be.”  Marco smiled at me; the skin around his gentle brown eyes crinkling. 

“I’m glad you are, Marco.  Do me a favor and stay that way.”  I burrowed my face into his shoulder, and he leaned his head on top of mine.  My hair was pretty coarse, so it must have been ticklish against his freckled cheek, but he didn’t budge.

“Will do, Jean.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all liked it! Please be sure to let me know what you think! I love getting feedback, and constructive criticism is always appreciated since it helps me improve my writing. I'd be interested to know if you all preferred having a fic in the first person, or if you liked my fics in the third person better. I like writing both ways, I'm just curious to hear what you think!
> 
> Come let me know what you thought or just drop by to say "hi" to me on Tumblr, if you'd like! I'm always game for chatting about Jean and Marco! You can find me at http://haircut-named-arthur.tumblr.com/  
> Thanks for reading!! See you tomorrow for day four! <3


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